By Paul Sanders
Shrouded in secrecy, the Honduran Driver´s Education Program has been an elusive mystery for all who have visited this beautiful, but at times confusing, country. “What are the rules?” “How do things work here?” “Is every driver here an angry, drunk person?” These and many other questions have plagued visitors for years. At long last, though, I believe I have discovered the secrets of the Honduran Driver´s Education Program and I will now reveal them to you, beloved reader…
STEP 1: At birth, Honduran children are placed on a regimented diet of infant formula laced with iron and testosterone. This is to ensure proper development of healthy bones and teeth and an abornmally high level of agressive behavior.
STEP 2: Upon being weaned, Honduran toddlers are issued their own personal copies of the films, “Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby,” “Smokey and the Bandit,” and all 6 seasons of “The Dukes of Hazzard” including cut out scenes and on-set bloopers. They are then required to watch these educational films at least 937 times each before their 16th birthday. (The films are, of course, subtitled into the Spanish language).
STEP 3: On their 16th birthday, all Honduran youngsters are required to report to the DMV and are questioned concerning whether they have completed steps 1 and 2 of the Honduran Driver´s Education Program. After solemnly swearing with a casual nod of the head that they have indeed completed steps 1 and 2 of the Honduran Driver´s Education Program, each youngster places their right hand on the Bible, or whatever other official looking book happens to be handy, and is charged to repeat the Honduran Driver´s Pledge which goes something like this:
“I do solemnly swear that in whatever lane of traffic that I henceforth and forthwith find myself that I will make every effort to be the first vehicle in said lane of traffic at all cost, at all times, and in every circumstance, so help me God.”
STEP FINAL: The brave young motorist is then whisked away to a photo booth where a favorable snapshot is taken and their official Driver´s License is then issued! The streets of Honduras and the future is theirs as they clutch their ticket to freedom and boldly head in to the adult world of major metropolitan transit.
There you have it folks! If you have ever driven in Honduras, you now have the inside scoop on how every local motorist complete´s their Official Driver´s Education Program!